Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Fury

Apparently, my birth mother had phoned Maria and immediately launched into an angry tirade. Although the 1975 law change had been made very public, and adoption features quite heavily in the media nowadays, Wyn claimed to be totally unaware that I would ever be able to find her; that I had ruined her life once and was now trying to do so all over again. Maria let her have her say, then gently tried to explain that I had done nothing illegal in tracing her, that I genuinely didn’t want to upset the new life she had made for herself, and that all I wanted was my medical history because my son and I had some health problems; this is why the initial contact had been made via an approved intermediary and the letter written in a very sensitive way. Then there was more to hurt me – I asked Maria what Wyn’s response had been to discovering that I wasn’t well, and all she had responded with was a very flat ‘Oh dear, I’m sorry’. I had been assured that even birth mothers who don’t want contact with their adopted children are at least relieved to know that their child is alive and well – but mine seemingly wasn’t. Despite Maria’s letter being suitably vague, Wyn was still furious that her secret might now be let out, even though her husband already knew of my existence. Eventually, Wyn calmed down and Maria discovered that she was about to go on a fortnight’s holiday with her husband, so Wyn promised that she would think things through whilst she was away, and then ring Maria again on her return with the medical information I had asked for.

The fortnight passed, and then another week, and Maria heard no more from Wyn. It was disappointing that she hadn’t kept her word; I suppose I can be a little na├»ve sometimes and assume that when someone promises to do something, then they will. Of course, adoptees are notorious for their impatience! Maria then wrote again but advised me that this was the last time she could make contact – if a Norcap representative makes contact more than twice, it can be construed as harassment. We were both then thrilled when Maria received a phone call in response to her letter, and Wyn gave her the basic details of the family’s medical history. Maria took a bit of a chance here and hesitantly asked if Wyn would consider sending a photograph of herself, just to satisfy my curiosity really. She agreed, and Maria rang me soon after to tell me that she was forwarding a photograph to me.

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